My story

Almost everyone grows up with that one thing that causes an insecurity inside. Whether it be a physical insecurity or a feeling of not fitting in, we all have it inside of us. This causes negative emotions, negative self-talk and can really impact your life.

I have a nasty scar on my entire ankle from a surgery that left me with just a small portion of my Achilles tendon. I don't walk on my heel and have a slight limp because that puts my leg about 1 ½" shorter than the other, but the thing that bothered me the most was the ugly scar and how 'flawed' I thought I was. I grew up afraid of people seeing it, afraid I would be judged and people wouldn't like me because of it. This caused me to try to be perfect in every other way, focusing on the outside of my body just so I felt better about myself. I didn't eat properly, always trying to be skinny and look like what I saw in magazines, just to get positive attention to feel better about myself. All the time never wanting anyone to see my ankle.  I didn’t go to swim parties when I was young, loved the beach but was scared that someone would stare at my ankle so I would go directly to the water and splash water on it and cover it with sand. I love summer but dreaded it from year to year, I mean I really had anxiety and stress because everyone else looked cute in their shorts and little sandals and I was going to get stared at.  I hid in the back of pictures, back of the line to prevent anyone to catch a glimpse of my ankle.

Getting into fitness (originally for the wrong reasons), changed my way of thinking about my body.  It gave me a confidence and strength that slowly changed my focus from wanting to be skinny to being healthy, inside and out.  I began to eat healthier and respect my body. I’m not saying I don’t care what I look like anymore…at all!!!  I feel that how you do anything is how you do everything, so I workout daily, sometimes twice a day because I love how I feel and look. It is also my profession, so how can I possibly coach others to try to look and feel their best if I don’t do the same for myself?  But looking and feeling my best is no longer for superficial reasons, and let me tell you, that feels like a huge weight off my shoulders. 

With that weight off my shoulders, I finally realized that I limited my thoughts, beliefs, my potential and my success with the same negative self-talk that I grew up with. I began to realize how much people respected and liked me for who I am and not what I looked like.  I was so wrapped up in my own insecurities and years (a lot of years) of negative self-talk, that I never realized that my biggest insecurity was something that most never even noticed.  Yet, I let it define me.   

I think if you have struggled with your weight, emotional eating or had body image issues, this negative self-talk is ingrained into your mindset and is the number one thing preventing you from achieving your goals. Think about it, if someone was constantly putting you down would their negativity motivate you? Probably not.

If you deal with self doubt, negative self-talk please know your not alone. Everyone has their own obstacle, none comparible or sizeable to their neighbors, but It's how you deal with it that makes the difference

The Older and Wiser,

Michelle Bauer